I’m an addict.
I stayed in bed sick most of yesterday, and when I finally emerged from my sheets I felt worthless. That annoying little voice kept nagging me— I had contributed nothing to the world and my to-do list was stale from a day just sitting.
I say that I am a “recovering perfectionist” and I am learning how to give myself grace, but I’ve still got it all wrong. In my twisted little brain I still think that although there is grace for us, it has to be earned— which makes “grace” no grace at all. I’ve been buying into works-based worth for far too long, whispering to myself “It doesn’t have to be perfect but it still has to get done”, but the thing is there is no “done” in my book.
You can ask Jack— I don’t know how to relax, and while sometimes it can be at such a bizarre level it’s comical, it’s actually a crisis, and something tells me I’m not the only one staring this monster in the face.
‘Cause here’s the thing, the world tells us to hustle and make things happen and that anthem feels right to me— trust no one, don’t take no for an answer, prove ‘em wrong. While the gospel tell us to rest and give it all over to Christ— Which although I may sing those sweet lyrics in church, I’m sure as heck not humming that tune while I work. Anyone else?
So here we are, trained performers, being asked to quit the circus of proving our worth, of productivity. And there’s a voice in us that sounds kinda like a tweaking drug addict saying, “I can’t, I can’t”. And it’s listing all the practicals that keep us white knuckling our work— We have to make an income, I’ll loose my status, Someone will take my place if I’m not giving it all, Hustling is just the way it is now, If I want to have my own business this is what it looks like.
But guys, listen to what that voice is asking of you— everything. You’re all. More and More. And you and me, we don’t have that to give— ‘Cause Jesus already has claim to that. So what are we doing? I keep coming back to this and again and again and, well, just nod if you feel my frustration. Heck yea, girl.
So how do we walk away from the addiction and towards trust? Well that’s the hard part, right? It’s not like we can just not be productive— We’re still called to be diligent with our time. But maybe it’s time we started looking at both where our time is really going and why we’re doing the things that we are. It takes listening to, not drowning out that voice, and beginning to hear who really is speaking to us. If we just ignore the demands it makes, it just lurks waiting for a weak point to break us. No, we need to hear what it’s saying, hold it up to truth, and decipher whether it’s the Devil and his lies shrouded in the disguise of light, or if it’s life-giving truth pushing us out of our comfort zones and into more trust.
For His Kingdom? To Lift others up? To take up His daily bread for you? Then you go, girl. But to out do that frenemy? To load up your bank account with more than you need and at the cost of trust? To show you’re valuable? To people please your way to security? Ehhhh, you better not. ‘Cause that, my dear, is feeding our addiction.
To do this, though, we MUST know what truth sounds like, or else we’ll continue dancing for the peanut on the string— never to be fully satisfied.
Truth sounds like:
Well done my good and faithful servant- Matt. 25:21
Give HIM your stress and worries and every burden, and HE will sustain you (NOT YOU HOMEGIRL) Psalms 55:22
Fight the good fight and take hold of His Eternal life which has already been won for you 1 Timothy 6:12
Relax and Trust that the Lord takes care of you- Psalms 116:7
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.- Ephesians 2:10
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.- 1 Corinthians 10:31
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.- James 4:3
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.- Colossians 3:23-24
So when the lie of: Are you sure your enough without _____________? Comes into our minds, let us call it out for what it is— The devil in sheep’s clothing, ‘cause I don’t know about you but I’m tired of running after achievements that were never made for me.
Peace Out Devil. Catch ya never— In God’s grace.