We never want to admit that we’re wrong, that things sometimes just suck. We were taught to smile and bear it, after all. To make the best of our circumstances, and while reality continues to not quite fit into our expectations we try and convince ourselves that this reality is how we “knew things would end up”. But can I tell you something? I’ve been wrong a lot.
I was wrong about how this season would look. I underestimated the determination that would be needed to continuing seeking hope and I over-estimated how far my belief for the best would get us. And no, I’m not sitting in pity, I refuse to surrender to disappointment, but that doesn’t mean we don’t speak the disconnect and free ourselves from pretending.
So I’m mourning, I think, maybe, and letting myself admit out loud that what I thought this would be, isn’t. And maybe, probably, it will be better in the end, but my heart was believing transition would be easy and that in the hard times we would persevere, and even though cross-country moves were hard for other’s, the peace we felt about the decision would set us a part. I can’t help but hold onto, a now scraggly, hope that all those things are still true, but there are cracks in that confidence that let in tears and questions if we’ll ever re-gain the ground we left behind in Waco.
What ground did you leave behind and feel like you’ve lost? What circumstance are you silently wading through as you awkwardly embrace it’s strange-ness and miss the familiarness of dreamed up scenarios and old stoops? We often speak about things being better than expected, but silence disappointments with silver linings. Heck, I’m that annoyingly positive person that unceasingly believes the best, but just because things will be okay, doesn’t mean we ignore the present pain. Let’s be real— we live a lot of our lives reconciling expectations and reality.
What if we spoke our expectations aloud to release their power over our situation and vulnerably show our “measuring sticks” to other’s so we don’t allow ourselves to amount to where reality falls on them. In the process we might just find we’re able to serve each other better, give grace more freely, and be inspired to put our own stake into the unknown. Maybe instead of letting transition and re-starting steal our “place” we’ll see our true seat at the table is found in trusting not knowing.
‘Cause here’s the thing guys. Its okay to suck sometimes. It’s okay to simultaneously be where you need to be and think, “Man why does this suck so bad.” We know we aren’t made for perfection, but we also don’t let ourselves embrace “the suck”, we only allow ourselves to go as far as apathy. Yet, Jesus doesn’t want our lukewarm crap, he wants it all— whatever rollercoaster we’re on. In Him, we can face the ugly sucky places in our lives, that we are trying to make into double rainbows and lessons learned and find real comfort and strength to admit, “this isn’t what I thought it would be, but I trust in YOU not my own predictions and exceptions.”
Guys, I’m embracing the suck. How about you?